I’ll Always Be Deaf

When I was a baby, I had seizures… bad seizures… needles in my spine, staying at the Ronald McDonald house, not going to make it, wires in my head and tubes to my heart seizures. At one point, I was 98% deaf.

Spoiler: I lived.

I can hear now (to an extent… now that you know I was actually deaf at one point, give me a little grace when I ask, “What’d he say?!” from the backseat of the car. I have the eardrums of a grandfather). I digress.

I have no other explanation for how I’m alive other than God; the doctors have no explanations, and we’ll never know how exactly my hearing returned. Yet what I want to focus on isn’t the past but the present.

How many times have I been given sight, yet I haven’t seen? How many times have I been given voice, yet I haven’t spoken? How many times have I been given life, yet I haven’t lived? How many times have I been given hearing, and I haven’t listened?

I’m still in awe of my stubborn mind believing I have an iota of my sweet Redeemer’s thoughts. For example, in prayer today, I felt the Lord saying that there is deep beauty in humility. I thought… “Frick, yeah that’s awesome. Cool thought, God”. Yet when given opportunity after opportunity to exhibit what I’d learned, I turned the other cheek.

Friends, how many times have we yearned for our Great Love to greet our situations with a mere ounce- a kiss- of wisdom. Yet, when we receive that very wisdom, we check it off the list and move on with our day as if the King of all kings and Ruler of all kingdoms didn’t just address us personally. 

Yet, we are not forsaken… God doesn’t grow tired of our ignorant arrogance. If I kept hearing someone ask and ask and ask for my help and when I gave it to them, they just walked away.. I’d probably kick them in the shins. Imagine someone knocking on your door incessantly. Once you open the door, they just nod at you and walk away. I’d close that door.. and also kick them in the shins later. God isn’t surprised by how we react to Him.

Can you even imagine the full character of Christ if even this one facet of Him takes up all of our wonder?

Friends, hearing the Voice of the Lord is not something to be taken lightly, but also not something to be intimidated by. This Voice is patient, kind, loving and ever-present through our failures and pains.

There’s another part to that whole knocking and the door being opened to you thing… you have to walk through that door after it’s opened. God’s love is all-encompassing… but you have to reach out for it.

So yeah, I may have (almost) all my hearing back physically, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly be able to entirely  hear the sweet melodies of my Father’s Love whilst in this stupid, broken, beaten up world full of distracting noises.. Pain will be mingled with grief, doubt will be tangled in faith and restoration may feel lost amidst hatred. I don’t find that discouraging though; rather, I find it empowering! We get to engage with the Creator of our souls… we get to be challenged by His incomprehensible wisdom.. we get to depend on the only rock of certainty our minds can reach.. and we get to be wrapped in His love.

So it’s okay that I’m deaf, because this sweet King of ours isn’t one to get angry at my grandpa eardrums.

The sheep hear His voice, and He calls His own sheep by name and leads them out. When He has brought out all His own, He goes before them, and the sheep follow Him, for they know His voice. -John 10:3-4-