I’m currently reading “Blue Like Jazz” by Donald Miller, & I’m the most convicted I think I’ve ever been. I’m convicted, because, at some point- probably between pages 103 & 121- I realized that I am the most selfish person that I know. It’s a weird feeling when you realize this.
It really hit me when I read this:
“My life testifies that the first thing I believe is that I am the most important person in the world.”
It hit me, not just because I feel like it’s true, but because aspects of my life prove it to be true. I looked at my bank statement. Pretty much 100% of it was spent on me; I looked at my time– same thing. I looked at my thoughts– same thing. I flipped through the pages of my journals– same thing. Thoughts, prayers, time spent on me. & not just like partially spent on me. Almost fully spent on myself. The world I wanted to create, I was directly acting against.
I felt utterly heart-broken. It’s a weird thing when you truly meet yourself. Although my heart loves others, my actions preached another thing entirely. I felt like an impostor to myself. Then this crazy thing happened- I acted on my conviction. I think it’s because my conviction was met with grace instead of shame. This is something I am immensely grateful for. Conviction was never intended to cultivate guilt- which leads to isolation. It was intended to be like coffee… It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing that wakes us up. We need to be woken up every once in a while in this world. A world where distractions hum us to sleep with their sweet, alluring songs. Conviction is of the light, but darkness will always work to replace a gentle push to action into a shameful cry of self-hatred.
So, met by a sweet grace, I decided to change my ways. I did the things that I always said I would. I acted on my dreams for justice, love and compassion to find a way in this world: I became a part of the solution.
Belief is an interesting thing. Within the time we live in, it is easy to fool people into thinking we boldly believe in something. For all you know, I can be writing these words (words filled richly with passion) & not be acting on them. Yet, I can fool you into thinking I’m the next social justice goddess. Social media is a really easy way to build a false life. Belief isn’t what we say; belief is what we act upon.
In “Blue Like Jazz”, this lovely convicting book that I’m reading, Donald Miller speaks of his good pal, Rick. Rick says it’s easy to die for something… what’s hard is living for something. Living. Waking up doing that thing. Settling your anger to do that thing. Sacrificing to do that thing. Imagine if some of the most influential humans only preached: Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, Jesus, Victor Hugo, Nelson Mendela, Socrates, Beyonce etc…
If those people only spoke- never acting- their legacies would be empty plates at a feast.
Friends, how do we want to be remembered? If someone took a hard look at our lives, what would they say we truly believed? Would they say we believe in justice. In love. In equality. In good. If you don’t think that’s the case, I’m right there with you. I’m trying this new thing, as part of responding to this conviction. I’m waking up 15 minutes earlier than usual- & while drinking coffee & enjoying a slow morning- I’m dying to myself. I’m asking myself what that means tangibly. How I can use that day to act out what I believe. The results thus far (I’m two days in) have already baffled me. The Lord is faithful to the obedient. Dying to one’s self in the first step to fully living.
Take heart, for this conviction of acting on belief asks you to join him in a dance… A dance that brings joy and leads us to what our soul truly yearns for: loving the Light sweeter, more wildly and more truly than ever. So truly & purely that it hurts.
“As an encouragement to offer intercessory prayer cheerfully, remember that such prayer is the sweetest God ever hears, for the prayer of Christ is of this character. His intercession must be the most acceptable of all supplications, and the more like our prayer is to Christ’s, the sweeter it will be. Thus, while petitions for ourselves will be accepted, our pleadings for others, having in them more of the fruits of the Spirit—more love, more faith, more brotherly kindness—will be, through the precious merits of Jesus, the sweetest offering that we can offer to God, the very fat of our sacrifice. Remember, again, that intercessory prayer is exceedingly prevalent. What wonders it has wrought!”
Charles Spurgeon
justabrieze 